Syndrome first identified by psychiatrist Bejerot takes its name from an incident in Stockholm, the capital of Sweden, in 1973. Hostages held for 6 days by a bank robber exhibited unexpected behaviors. Realizing the police intervention, they warned the robbers, refusing to testify against them in court. A female bank employee, abandoned by her fiancé, waited for the bank robber’s release and eventually married him.
In cross-gender relationships, Stockholm Syndrome involves the victim of psychological abuse becoming excessively attached to the perpetrator, feeling unable to live without them. One side consistently traumatizes the other, leading the traumatized party to feel increasingly imprisoned within the relationship.
“I can’t live without them, even though they treat me this way,” “Okay, they mistreat me, but I feel they love me,” “I have flaws too, if I follow their instructions, everything is fine,” “Not just me, everyone is treated this way, not malicious,” “I wasn’t like this before, I can’t recognize myself, one day good, one day bad, one day I love you, the next I don’t” – such imprisonments may arise.
Why?
The initial goal of the aggressor is to gain control over the victim, rendering them motionless. Constantly creating feelings of inadequacy by saying, “You’re wrong, you don’t know,” they dehumanize the other, making them dependent. They may isolate the victim by surrounding them with rules. The isolated victim feels dependent on the person pressuring them for their needs.
Once the victim is rendered passive, there’s a psychological need for justifying the aggressor’s actions, requiring the victim’s approval. Small kindnesses by the aggressor grow in the victim’s eyes, and they start seeing events from the aggressor’s perspective, justifying their actions. The danger gradually becomes unseen.
The traumatized person develops a traumatic bond, thinking they cannot leave, and separation becomes increasingly difficult.
Love and ‘I can’t live without them’ may sometimes conceal traumatic processes. Love, relationships, and the situation you’re in can all be different.
Endings and non-existences mark the beginning of mourning.
How the knowledge of the end of a relationship is processed in the brain also influences this process. Unresolved grief processes, personality traits, and other factors can impact this process.
